Anger - Part I

 "King Menashe placed a four faced idol in the Temple Sanctuary. In order that the שכינה (Divine Presence) should see it and be jealous." (Talmud, Sanhedrin 103b)

I read this and looked at my Chavrusa (study partner) and shook my head. My initial reaction was that we have seen many times in our studies that the urge to worship idols that existed in Biblical times no longer exists today; there is no way that I am capable of understanding or relating to the behavior described here. But I could not live with that approach. If the words of the Talmud  were words to which I could not relate, then what was the point of my studying them? The messages must be universal, applicable for all ages, or they wouldn't be here.
"He sounds like a petulant child," I pointed out to my chavrusa, "doing this in an attempt to get attention. Negative attention. Actually, it seems to me that he is a very angry person, like he is very hurt and trying to get back at God for the hurt he is feeling. Why is he so angry?" Truthfully, I don't know, but I will try to seek understanding so that I can see if there is something I can learn about myself from the behavior he displayed.
Menashe was the son of King Chizkiyahu. Chizkiyahu had a prophecy informing him that his children would be wicked. In order to forestall that outcome, he refused to marry. In consequence he became ill and was visited by the prophet Yeshayahu. Yeshaya informed Chizkiyahu that his illness was due to his refusal to marry. When Chizkiyahu protested that his decision was valid as he did not wish to have wicked children, Yeshaya told him that it was not his place to worry about God's plans. Chizkiyahu then challenged Yeshyahu and said that if Yeshaya felt he should marry then Yeshaya should give Chizkiyahu his own daughter as a wife. Yeshaya immediately assented. Menashe was the child of this union.
Sure enough, for the first 22 years of his reign, Menashe was an evil idol-worshiper. Why the anger? Imagine how he must have felt knowing from childhood that he was destined for wickedness. I can imagine that he felt completely rejected by God. He never stood a chance. He desperately wanted God's love and attention, and he had been told he would never get it. Is there any wonder why he was so angry? Is it surprising that he sought what we would call negative attention to compensate for what he felt was lacking in his life? He wasn't trying to "hurt" God, absurd as that notion sounds, but crying out with great thirst to figure out how to get God to relate to him.
I think back about myself, and relationships (including my relationship with God) in which at times I have felt rejected. Yes, there were times I responded angrily. But what was the anger born from? Was it because I wanted to hurt the other party in the relationship, or was it because I was so frustrated at desperately seeking their loving attention? No, that does not at all justify anger; there is almost nothing that ever does. On the contrary, what it offers me is an insight into understanding what drives me, so that if I find myself in that situation again, I can recognize the feeling for what it is and respond to it in a positive, rather than angry, manner.

Video Response

Quantum

Physicists spend a lot of time in a state of confusion. It's an accupational hazard. To excel in physics is to embrace doubt while walking the winding road to clarity. The tantalizing discomfort of perplexity is what inspires othewise ordinary men and women to extraordinary feats of ingenuity and creativity; nothing quite focuses the mind like dissonant details awaiting harmonious resolution. But en route to explanation - during their search for new framewaorks to address outstanding questions - theorists must tread with considered step through the jungle of bewilderment, guided mostly by hunches, inklings, clues, and calculations. But don't lose sight of the fact that nothing comes easily. Nature does not give up her secrets lightly. The Fabric of the Cosmos by Brian Greene
The above quote can easily be applied to the study of Talmud, and the study of the Torah as a whole. Just as in the fundamental particles and principles of the physical world, confusion reigns and clarity comes only after a lifetime of struggling in bewilderment, the same is true when trying to comprehend the fundamental particles of the spiritual world.
And the same is true of life in general as well. Too often we think that things should be clear. Our life's purpose and mission should be clear to us, perhaps we think it is clear to us. We resent at times the need to struggle to properly understand Torah.
But that is how it is meant to be. This is the world of the struggle and bewilderment, not that of clarity.