Earl

This is a departure from my usual. My university students must engage in volunteer projects as part of a course I teach. This story was so moving, I had to share it. This occurred only a few weeks ago.

Service Learning Project

When I first started the course and it was brought up about the service learning project, to be honest I thought just another thing to add to my list.  I was going to do it to meet the requirement, and to complete my paper.  I had no idea the impact it would have on my life, personally and professionally.  This is something that I will continue to do as long as I am able to, and I have this class to thank. 

I took the opportunity to volunteer with hospice patients both in a facility and at home as well.  The reason that I chose this, is that for the last ten plus years that I have been in long term care, no matter what my role was the one thing that always bothered me is when people die alone.  It is just my nature to want to help people, and be there for them

I visited with a gentleman in a local assisted living.  Earl is in his upper 80’s who has a serious heart condition, along with COPD causing him not be able to breathe very well.  He got tired very easy.  He did not really get a lot of visitors mainly because his family lives so far away, and they are very busy.  Earl, lost his wife several years earlier to a heart attack. 

Entry 1

My first visit with Earl did not start off smoothe, as he thought I was there to take him to the nursing home where I work.  “No offense kid, but I am not going into the place with all of those old people, it is bad enough I am here.”  Earl’s son had made arrangements for him to be in the assisted living and took care of all of his financial needs.  Earl said, “My stock market son, didn’t think I should drive, or do my own yard work, no one asked me what I wanted.” 

Earl had a dry sense of humor that if you did not catch is smirk, you might have to think if he was kidding or not.  I asked Earl what his story was, he said, “I am a simple man from a much simpler time.” It was from this point on I knew Earl and I would be just fine.  Earl did not care when I came to visit him, as long as it was not when his favorite TV show was on which was The Price is Right.  I asked him about mornings, before I went into work he agreed this would be a good time.  He commented, “That way I can start my day off seeing something beautiful.”  Earl was definitely a ladies man. 

Entry 2

This week was a busy week for me at work, so I stopped by the assisted living in the morning, to find Earl in the dining room finishing up breakfast.  He waved me over and introduced me to his tablemates, he told them I was there to do some “Experimental research” on him.  I explained to the group about the service project, and I had chosen to volunteer with hospice because I am an administrator at a local nursing home, and it was something that interested me.  Several of Earl’s tablemates made comments about working with old people all day and how boring that must be.  I did not want to tell them that most of my residents are younger than the group sitting at this table!

I offered to take Earl outside and sit with him for a while, as it was a beautiful morning.  He looked and said, that we could not go outside without any coffee.  I told him I would grab him a cup, he told me to grab one for myself as well.  The look on his face when I told him I did not drink coffee, was a classic Earl look of confusion.  “How in the heck can you not drink coffee, coffee is like the heartbeat of America, dang young kids!”  When outside we discussed how I loved the smell just not the taste.  Earl told about his time growing up on a farm stating, “Kids these days have no idea what hard work is.” 

He said he was working on the farm from sun up to sun down.  His mother, would holler out when it was meal time, and that was their only break.  “This was a time long before all this fancy equipment they have today.”  I asked him what his favorite meal was growing up?  He simply stated, “Anything my mother or grandmother made.”  After our visit I took him back down to his room, and he ensured that I would be back to see him again this week.  I agreed, and he went his way and I went mine for the day.

Entry 3

I stopped into see Earl one morning, he had told me that when he was driving he would come in and have a sausage egg McMuffin and black coffee every morning after doing his morning chores.  So that morning I stopped at McDonald’s and grabbed a little breakfast for us both, when I arrived he was coming up the hall, and he lit up and smiled when he saw me.  He then stated, “Don’t think I am paying you for this either, me being a part of your research is enough.”  We sat out front and watched the morning traffic and ate our breakfast in silence. 

I noticed today that he was walking a little slower and did not seem to have as good of balance as he previously had.  He said, “I am ok, you quit your worrying.”  He was upset because the facility had made him an appointment to see his doctor and he said, “It’s just a waste of money I am doing just fine.” I told him it probably was a good idea to be seen just in case.  I noted on his counter that he had several letters and cards on his counter that he never even opened yet.  I asked him if he wanted any help with them, and he did not.  He said, “My son is too busy for me, and so I am too busy to read his letters.”  I told him to have a good day and that I would see him later in the week.  He said, “Have good day kid, give em’ hell.”  As he told me every time I visited. 

Entry 4

I stopped in one morning to see Earl, I had a weird feeling when I came in and he was not in the dining room with his usual group.  I headed down to his room, and knocked on the door.  Earl was resting in his recliner, he woke up when I came in.  He said, he wasn’t feeling the best but was in a lot better mood now that I was there. 

The hospice nurse stopped in while I was there, Earl did not want me to go.  She did an assessment on Earl, and noted that his blood pressure was low.  The doctor had ordered some lab results and it looked as though Earl was also in kidney failure.  Earl acted oblivious to the news.  I asked Earl if there was anything I could get for him, he said to just keep visiting. 

I came in the next morning to see Earl and if he needed anything.  The social worker from hospice was in visiting him, and asked Earl about his family.  He state, “My son is too busy for me, I don’t want him called.”  The social worker asked if he was sure because maybe his son would like to visit him.  Earl again stated, “No!”  I sat with Earl for a while longer until he fell asleep, then I left him a note that I would see him soon.

Entry 5

I went into visit with Earl today, and he was resting in bed.  The hospice nurse had called me and said that he was declining and Earl was requesting that I come to visit more if possible.  I went in and sat by him at bedside, and asked if there was anything I could do for him.  He said to grab the letters off his counter and to read them to him.  I went and grabbed the letters and began to read them. 

They were typed letters from his son, on letterhead from his company.  Mostly small talk updating him on different cases that he worked on.  They all always ended the same way.  “I love you very much Dad and hope to one day pick up where we left off before life got in the way.”  I saw tears rolling down Earl’s face.  I offered him a tissue, and asked if there was anything I could do.  He was quiet for a while, taking note, I asked him if he wanted me to call his son for him? 

Silence fell for several minutes.  Then I saw him slowly nod his head.  Earl did not have his son’s number, so I called the ACare social worker who had the number from his medical record.  I told her what had happened, and she was as shocked as I was.  I slowly dialed the number and went to hand the phone to Earl, he pushed it back and said you talk to him.  His son answered, and I told him that my name was Nichole, and I had been visiting with his dad.  He replied, “My dad?” I told him that his dad was sick, and dying and started to explain his diagnoses.  He became upset over the phone.  He talked about how he had not been a good son and did wrong to his own father. 

I told him that I had read his dad all of this letters, and with Earl’s permission invited him to come and see him.  He said he would be on the next plane out.  I hung up the phone and updated Earl who then became very anxious.  The ACare nurse and social worker arrived to his apartment.  Earl said to me, “I do not even know what to say to him, I have been so bitter, and now it could be too late.”  Earl begged me to be there when his son arrived.  His son called back and said he would be there around 9 pm. 

After work I went home and spent some time with my family, I headed back over to Earl’s.  He was anxiously awaiting the arrival of his son who he had lost contact with over ten years ago.  His son arrived, he was well dressed and nervous himself.  He walked in the nurse updated him a little bit on his dad’s condition.  He then walked into the doorway of the room, and both he and Earl cried.  He went and hugged his dad for what seemed to be an hour.  We all stepped out to give them some privacy.  A little later, the son came to the doorway and said that Earl wanted to see me.  He introduced me to his son as, “The pain in his ass, these last couple weeks.” 

We visited for a while, and the son shared that he had taken a leave from work to spend as much time with his dad as he could.  I told him I thought that was great, Earl wanted to be sure that I would still be coming to see him, as promised.  I told him, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.  The son came and hugged me, and kept saying thank you.  Over the next week or so Earl continued to decline and quickly, I visited almost daily as promised.  Until I received a call one evening that Earl had died peacefully with his son at his bedside.

The funeral for Earl was small, only people from the facility, ACare and myself in attendance.  His son sat up front and asked that I and the ACare staff sit with him.  He said we were family to Earl, and often spoke of our visits with a smirk.  Every time I drive by the assisted living I think of Earl and that smirk on his face.