Mutual help groups

A student of mine from Los Angeles once told me that he spent four years in a Yeshiva which was across the street from a modeling school. “They always spoke to us,” he said, “about guarding our eyes , but they never taught us how
to have the self-control to guard our eyes.” There is only one way they could have done so. That would have been for one of the rabbeim to stand up and say “When I was your age I was challenged by the temptation to look at women. This is how I handled it…” There is no one as wise as a person with experience . But it takes the humility to admit your weaknesses and struggles and to share how you overcame them.
Much of what is taught as Mussar and encouragement teaches people the ideals for which they should strive. What is generally lacking, however, is true, practical, direction on how to successfully change oneself in order to reach that ideal. The result is frequently frustration for those who wish they could achieve it and lack the knowledge of how to get there, or people putting on a front of reaching the ideal, while not having done the internal work to truly get there. They remain superficial.
I read once in a book by Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski that burnout results from giving someone a job, but not giving him the tools to do it properly. The result is disenchantment and unhappiness . Mutual self‐help groups in which people are willing to honestly share their struggles with people who are similarly struggling, and with moderators who are prepared to direct the discussions towards practical solutions
in a non‐judgemental and non‐threatening atmosphere, are the way to lead people to truly changing themselves and to leading happier more fulfilling lives.